Please don’t take those personally.

Sometimes I feel like

I’m just a small boy

in a 24-years-old female body.

Don’t think much when saying things

while those words can actually

upset the grown-ups.

Search Me, My Lady

“What do you think about doors? Have someone asked you this? We’ve been searching for the right one. Hundreds of houses we’ve passed didn’t seem to manifest any sense of clue.”

“Could you help me first to define, what kind of doors are you looking for exactly?”

“That’s the kind of question for this kind of pursuit. First, it has to be bright because I like bright colours; they look good on my Canon. Second, it supposed to be taller than me or anyone passing it; it supposed to be like the doors of medieval castles. Third, I want a door who can talk and tell me what things that I can’t see behind it. Fourth, a good door will lead us to a good life. Those are the characteristics.”

“My lady, please, just search me.”*

*it means that the wise guy also thinks it’s a mystery.

A Semester Full of Diversions

See those diversionary gestures these days? If you’re too afraid, next time, just leave your heart at home, thank you.

I Can’t Believe She’s Dead

“The only way we know it’s true is that we both dreamed it. That’s what reality is. It’s a dream everyone has together.” -Calliope Stephanides

“Cause all I wanted to be is a million miles from here…somewhere more familiar”

OH MY GOD IT’S ALREADY JUNE!!! I’M STARTING TO COUNT DOWN THE DAYS ON THE CALENDAR, MARKING EACH DATES WITH BOLD PERMANENT BLACK (I SHALL GET THE RED ONE) MARKER UNTIL THE 18TH!!! I’M GOING TO FLY BACK TO JAKARTA!!! ONE AND HALF MONTH UNDER THE GREAT INDONESIAN SUN WOULD BE ENOUGH, I HOPE.

*listen to Oh My God from Kaiser Chiefs NOW!

So, you understand my excitement, now?

Preoccupied with Things Miles Away

“Children need discipline — but often grownups do too.” - my wise horoscope for today

“Let us see, what are the biggest distractions of our lives these days?” This is the topic during my last conversation with friends.

A friend said: downloading movies using BitTorrent, and of course, followed by watching them; planning to travel after those bloody exams (including checking out the cheapest airline or train or bus or hostels, and contacting friends living there for free accommodation); shopping t-shirts online; cooking and sitting for hours in the kitchen playing cards. Another friend: making music with a Spanish friends, chatting with a blonde girlfriend, playing PSP or XBox 360 with ONLY male friends.

As for me, it would be hundreds more: jotting unimportant notes on Stickies (like now); downloading music; adding pictures to Flickr; reading and replying e-mails; mopping the room; going to REMA 1000 for corn chips; eating those chips; editing music info on iTunes; playing Reversi and Hangman on dashboard; reading Indonesian newspapers online; adding people on messengers; talking to you on messengers; making CD compilation; thinking about how many beers to take for picnic by the lake today; updating status on messengers; “screaming” on the latest news to friends on Skype; adding favourite videos on YouTube, for example this one about the Amazing Victor:

The list continues: finding lyrics for the song I’m listening while typing and singing it; editing pictures using photoshop; goodbye-partying; thinking about why the voice of Keith Murray from We Are Scientists does so much better job for him when he sings than when he talks normally; cleaning my Mac because you know, the more you write on it the more you see that weird new colour and the more you want to grab that wet tissue far away on the corner of the shelves; updating the lyrics application on Facebook: as now I want to change The Rakes’ Just A Man With A Job with Divine Comedy’s Freedom Road…

[It's early morning on I-19. I ain't got much for company. A pick-up truck, a brown Volvo, and a couple of jokers on the radio.]

or

[When I was a boy I'd fantasize about the freedom road. I'd drive a thousand miles before sundown, father a child in every town.]

or

[Well I've seen the power of the lightning storm, I've seen the endless ears of corn, I've seen the lakes at the break of day, and that shit takes my breath away.]

or

[It's early morning on I-19, a dreamer's waking from his dream, a driver who has lost his way parks up his rig and walks away.]

It’s still a long long list to go; singing The Maccabees’ First Love; getting rid the fallen hairs etc. etc.

The typical thing is, those distractions don’t appear when we don’t have to study or write papers. Distractions only come when you have a major priority in head. Other than that, it’s not distraction. It’s just leisure pursuit. However, merely complaining for this distracted mind doesn’t give any viable solution. The best solution is: turn off the internet. NOW.

Oh wait, after an episode of The Simpsons.

Still My Flame

you're still my flame

still my flame

Hello, darling. What did you do today? You know what I did? It’s the same as yesterday, the day before yesterday and the days before it. I travel to vanity, where dreams are like the cake, people want me to share them proportionally. This is the kind of place where you can’t have your cake and eat it (too). I just can’t let go. I don’t want to move on as there is no possible way at all. I want to talk to you about thousand things. I want to tell you how I kiss the day in this country. How I smell things differently. How I became a sad man, sometimes bad, but most of the time, sad. A rush of strange affections come while we’re separated by too many things: homelands to many friends, the nations you’re criticising all the time. I don’t blame you, although I know deep down inside you find me guilty. You know I’m not an island, I have to go. Anyway, don’t go crazy. I am still your satellite. I am still made to impress you alone. You are still my flame.